Pour me a life

This blog is a safe space for me to write about my life in the hope that it will help me to empty the noise from my mind, and in the process clarify my thoughts, support my sobriety journey and shape my way path forward. It is called Pour me a Life after the autobiography by the journalist A.A. Gill, which is a book about recovery, exploring the topic obliquely. In the introduction Gill states he has no advice to offer the alcoholic who is still struggling with his demons. If I had met Gill, I expect we would have clashed, he lived a very different life to me and I think we had different values, but it never happened and he is now dead -- so we will never know. This blog is anonymous. I need that freedom.

Recovery - only just

April 29, 2025•475 words

It is Monday night, 3.00 am and I can not sleep. I have just finished listening to the first podcast recording I’ve made. It’s for a guy from a recruitment company we use at work. He hosts a podcast called Talking to Tech Leaders. Not really sure I qualify. I found it really stressful to make the podcast. I was surprisingly nervous, and I found it really stressful to listen to it. I spent the whole time looking for a trip-up and if I said something stupid. Thankfully, I think I pulled it off. ...

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The Fear

February 4, 2025•575 words

I woke up this morning terrified that I may revert to my old self. I was filled with despair: questioning why I should continue to exist when all I wanted to do was drink myself into oblivion. Nothing had changed - I am close to 6 months sober, signed off work due to stress: in recovery. What brought about this fear? I think it was due to my medications running out and my decision to go it alone—without any pharmacological support. I had a prescription being prepared, but I thought I would jus...

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